While alive, during my time, mostly on my own, as the after life after surviving 7 mostly original bands, tons of gigs and broken dreams
allowed me to finally find myself back in H.S..sitting at my desk,
imagining lyrics, song titles, band names, ideas, wishing I could do that one day...with a band of course.
I never found the RIGHT band..the right musical family..
yet I tried and experienced that band life for a span of about 15 years..from the garage/bedroom jam band to the club, bar, show time gigging band life.
Now..with my son and wife, I am far too old and far too unknown in this Denver scene for anyone to give a damn.
I'm a home recording artist that has put out more on my own than most do with tons more talent, gear, connections and far better production.
But...I'm no musician..I'm an artist.
I'd probably have a band and gig a few times a month, focus on releasing music, music vids, have others interested and into the vision involved..but after searching for others for that idea..vision..possibility..
ended up alone.
Can't do much alone. I don't have the money or fame to buy a band or pay others to join broke as family man me..lol.
So..I kept going..building up a band..vision..
creating the foundation.
The members...being nothing more than my alter egos ..because who the hell wants to show support to an unknown solo metal band dude..
let alone..a band of unknowns.
That social experiment..band scene experiment...seemed to fail.

First..it was Offgritt that I got off the ground ..alone...since as a guitarist...aka RiffnWolf..aka Devon TRaVoltage..aka current..VonAxeWilder..couldn't find a singer or bassist or drummer interested in what I was doing.
I found my singer...after a grueling experimental vocal effort..luckily.
Not the best option ..choice...voice..but it was better than waiting for a singer with a better voice but schedule and or interest issues.

Yeah...I ended up boiling over due to personal issue colliding with creative issues...I'm an artist after all. I'm not some stable creative genius..lol.
I killed..vanished..let go of Offgritt..and birthed BangThyHead..
Quiet Riot vid title or not..I was just sitting there and I wanted a name that stuck out and was about what you should do while listening..
Offgritt failed from 2019 summer..to 2020..2021..and then I opted to kill off that band name..vibe...and go with BangThyHead..for a new revived rush of cold passion and momentum..and hopefully a fresh start that might get somewhere closer to somewhere than nowhere.

After many months..it all came crumbling down.
That 1 super awesome supportive fan..came to be..to light..
shined for a week..and then..I was totally happy about that..
seeing that there were a few fellow musicians that dug some tracks..but no one..had ever heard the entire discography ...
and well..I killed that by sharing more...via good old instant messenger... I did that TMI too much DAMN information...thinking that since this awesome supporter understood the songs...meanings..plight..idea..vision..than I should share more background..
and well..overkill happens when you are unknown and overwhelming..lol.
The message in the bottle arrived when I could see that I overkilled the info shared..so..that awesome supporter..like many others..was frightened off...
as always...
But at least that achievement was made before I finally folding the deck, closed the house..so that I could not keep returning to the same old..going nowhere FB spot..under the BangThyHead flag.

After contacting, smoozing with, replying to...emailing..trying to open a door of interest with those that actually cover underground, unsigned bands...as i have done in the past..reach out to those underground unsigned reviewers..interviewers, podcasters zine peeps and etc..and nobody expressed any interest in the music, the story, the discog, the vibe, the name, ....just dead pan NON interest from everyone..no replies..n o follow through..no nada..
so..you have to see that after contacting 100's..and not even getting a sorry busy..but next time...lol..
I guess ..with the plethora of bands and artists to choose from..upon first listen or glance or skim...BangThyHead didn't add up to a contender no way no how..lol.

I got tired of the same BS..
pretending to be a full 4 piece band that wasn't even playing live..after tons of bands are hungry for the live stage..and most supposed scene supporters only street cred you with their time if you play live.
never mind all the other hard work you put into your music..art.

I guess the music scene isn't about the ART after all.
It's about the live aspects.
Same live supportive scene that wasn't showing bands much support live scene support before pandemic...
I used to play those shows..Not every band gets the fans..supporters..loads of peeps in the crowd.
If you know 100 peeps...and you play Friday and 10 other bands they dig play Friday...they aren't all going to your show...lol..

F that..
I couldn't find the right interested band folks..and all the drama ain't worth digging at the bottom of the scene for bored dudes that wanna play anything anywhere...nightly..
I couldn't find interested locals either.

A few kind local band members and a few good people from around the world..dug a few tracks..
but only one person gave a big huge damn for a bout a week...
and heard all I've tracked...
and that..was the one thing I needed to feel before letting go of this bs FB social networking lie..

Now...what...I'll find a way to have someone else share the music..
something that one great supporter didn't even do...
People might dig you a bunch..but if they don't share your songs on their FB page with their friends and family...they must not feel that great about what you're doing..lol.

I'm out of the FB race...beside my little personal dulled down quiet FB place...
I'll pop up again only to share the music...not to get attached to a scene and the fans and the supporters and the bands..that honestly don't have time for anything but their own success stories..and buds..and connections.

Ain't no different than H.S...
I just never found a true friend circile..or click..or group..
cause I wasn't down with needing that to get through H.S.
I never intended on being a loner..
but I guess when you turn most people off for being too expressive..odd..strange..abnormal..boring..crazy..cheesy...
you don't attract many.
I'm good with that.

This song is about..when I die..
A joke of sorts..
I mean when I die..who the F is gonna share my songs..talk about them..listen..when nobody really gives ten sheets to the wind now..when I'm alive..lol..

oh well..
Fun song...
Harsh reality..
When I die..the only one that cares for it..shares it...listens..with interested ears..understanding heart and soul..will die too...
sadly..
just another bandcamp..soundcloud and etc..vids..youtube and all that..that will end up like all other unknowns..in the graveyard of 00011100011 buried over..paved over by millions of other sites..artists...ethereal wires and sticks...

Nothing lasts forever..
Not bypassing momentary fans..
Not those that listen to every song ..digging your music..art..lyrics..vision..meaning..then you manage to screw that up as an artist...
that supporter doesn't last long either when you show how pathetic you are ..with that passionate want and need to share your art...finally with someone ...1 in billions ..that might actually appreciate it for once...once and for all..

I'm better off not communicating with people...

one day...I'll find someone that might..just maybe...
create..start...run..the BangThyHead/WrathBliss/MicVills
music appreciation share fanclub...and keep my music alive ..living..while I breathe and after I pass...or at least the thought of that person is rather wonderful..